Randomness
by JetWarrior
Summary: Random little moments in the lives of our favorite Townsville citizens. First up: The Professor.


_**WELL!** It's been a crazy, crazy life I've led since the last time I posted anything on this site. But oh, well._

_This is just a collection of random short stories. Each chapter will have so many stories each, and all the stories in each chapter will center around a particular character of the show. The stories can be about any random event, really (although I plan to make plenty of them that revolve around certain points of certain episodes). And of course, unless otherwise stated, all of these are written within the context of the show atits latest point (so the girls are in Kindergarten, the RRB are strictly villains, etc.). We'll see if there'll be any romance, but it almost certainly won't be with any of the girls._

_One more thing...I don't own any of the characters. Only these random scribbles. And with that...on with the show! I hope you enjoy these!

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_**I.**_

Down in the lab, he worked like a madman, figuring out the deepest, darkest secrets of science and mankind alike.

Up in the living room, he could bring joy to even the most sour-faced of little girls.

Out in the city, he spoke like a champion of language, explaining the most complicated of things in ways that allowed even the most simple minded of city-leaders to comprehend them.

...But even _this_ man had his Kryptonite, a folly he had to face once a year, every year; for you see, when it came time to turn on the Christmas lights, Professor Utonium was revealed to be just like pretty much every other guy in the country.

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_**II.**_

He had to find them. He had to.

If he didn't, he couldn't take his revenge.

He looked in the kitchen. Under the sink? Nope. In a cabinet? Not there, either. Behind the door? Nothing. He moved on.

Down the hall he went, stalking his prey, making sure to make as little noise as possible. He strained his ear....THERE! Noise coming from the room to the right!

The bathroom. Of course!

Silently, he counted down--three...two...one...he opened the door suddenly!

Nothing.

Nothing?

That couldn't be right....

Then he heard it again...the linen closet. AHA! His prey would soon be his victim; his revenge would soon be complete.

He counted down again--three...two...one...he opened the door suddenly!

A blood-curdling scream!

"AHA!" he cried, "I've got you now!"

"Nooooooo!" she cried out.

"YES! Now you pay!" And he began to torture his victim.

The poor girl was rapidly running out of air...she couldn't breathe....

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Professor...heeheeheehee...I'm...hahahaha...I'm sor...hahahaha..._I'm sorry_! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Bubbles couldn't stop laughing as the Professor tickled her. Needless to say, she probably wouldn't be filling his beakers with different colors of Kool-Aid again any time soon....

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_**III.**_

Professor Utonium enjoyed the beautiful morning that Townsville was currently having by taking a stroll through Central Park. As he passed a bench, he heard a strange grunt coming from under a pile of what appeared to be toilet paper. 'Probably just a homeless man', he thought to himself...but then the "man" turned over and revealed himself to be none other than the nefarious simian Mojo Jojo!

The Professor was stunned. He looked at the chimp...then looked at the chimp's volcano-top home (the entrance to which was not 100 yards away)...then back to the chimp. Something was going on, and he intended to find out.

"Mojo...Mojo!" the Professor cried out as he shook him awake. Mojo yawned and stretched, clearing the tissue from off the top of him. He clicked his tongue a few times before finally focusing on Professor Utonium. Upon seeing him, he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Then, predictably, he became cranky.

"What is the meaning of this!? Why have you, Professor Utonium, seen it fit to awaken I, Mojo Jojo, from a peaceful and quiet slumber? What is the reason you have for violently shaking me awake early in the morning, when I am clearly in no violation of any laws? Why have you deemed it necessary to..."

"MOJO," the Professor cut him off, "why in heaven's name are you sleeping outside?"

Mojo stared at him in disbelief. "Are you daft? Are you blind? Are you stupid? It is obvious to even the most simple-minded of people that I am clearly...." He faded out as he finally got a good look at his surroundings. "Well. Upon further inspection, it appears that I was, in fact, sleeping outside. In that case, Professor, your guess is as good as mine." He stood up from the bench and began walking towards his volcano. "As it is, I no longer have need to be outside, so I will now make haste towards my humble abode so that I may find myself 'inside'. Good day to you, Professor." With that, he took off towards the observatory.

Professor Utonium shook his head a bit before turning around and starting on his way. He didn't take three steps, however, before he heard a growl of frustration coming from the direction Mojo just walked off in.

"AAURRGGH! It appears I have discovered the reason for my being outside on such a frigid morning, and why I slept upon the bench like some common hobo, and why I was in a position for Professor Utonium to unceremoniously shake me from my slumber--for I, Mojo Jojo...have misplaced my keys."

The Professor had to work hard to suppress the laugh that was threatening to come out. He walked back towards Mojo.

"Where was the last place you had them?"

Mojo rolled his eyes. "Surely, Professor, if I could answer that question, I would then be able to locate my keys, for they would be in the very spot I answered! And they call you a genius?"

Professor Utonium took the insult light-heartedly. "Well then, how about we start looking around this bench?"

Mojo could find nothing wrong with the suggestion, so they began to search around the bench that Mojo slept on. Nothing. They then decided to search around the base of the massive staircase that led to the door of the observatory. Nothing. They then split up and began to comb the entire park, checking under benches, in trash cans, around trees, along sidewalks, and every nook and cranny that looked like it might conceal keys. The professor even pulled out his patented "Pocket Minesweeper" (which he keeps on him for just such an emergency) to sweep through the grass. He found $3.26 in change, a rare figurine, three bottle caps and a diamond ring, but no sign of Mojo's keys.

Finally, as the sun was climbing higher in the sky, the two converged back at their original meeting place.

"I'm sorry, Mojo, I couldn't find a thing," the Professor said, ignoring the jingling in his pocket. "Why don't you tell me what you did before you came home last night?"

Mojo had to think a bit. "I went out to the grocery store after discovering that I was out of toilet paper. I walked down to the store, purchased the aforementioned tissue...yes, I purchased it legally, with money I acquired...err, nevermind!...and then, as I was walking towards the mountain, I reached in my pocket and discovered that I no longer had my keys. Naturally, after discovering that I no longer had any means of entry into my house, I retraced my steps to the store, and then back to this very bench, where I accepted my fate and fell asleep, using the toilet paper I had purchased for my home as a makeshift blanket."

The Professor deemed his story legit. He couldn't see Mojo procuring his keys anytime soon, which left them with very few options....

He sighed. "Hold on Mojo, I'll be right back." Professor Utonium left, and Mojo waited impatiently at the bench for half an hour before he returned. His jaw dropped as the Professor walked up to him, though. The Professor was struggling to keep up what looked like a ridiculously powerful weapon, the likes of which might only otherwise be found in Mojo's own lair.

"That...that's an **L-N-L 'Nova' Petawatt Laser Cannon**! What function could that possibly serve in retrieving my hitherto missing keys?" Mojo asked, shocked.

"If we can't find your keys, we're going to have to blast our way into your observatory...and knowing you, this is probably the only thing powerful enough to do so that isn't locked inside!" The professor wielded the laser like Rambo wields a gatling gun. Mojo, with one more look of disbelief but no more words, simply turned around and led the Professor up the _loooooooong_ staircase to his observatory.

The Professor, ridiculously, found himself becoming excited to use his gun. He had never actually been given an opportunity to properly test it out, due to the sheer power of the weapon, but this sort of problem gave him a reason to bring it out. All he had to do was haul it up the incredibly long staircase (why couldn't Mojo just install an elevator...or even an escalator?), and he'd finally have data one what it could do!

...Or maybe not.

As he huffed up to the last step, and as his anticipation peaked, Professor Utonium saw the foil to his proposed plan staring him right in the face. There, dangling from the doorknob, were Mojo's keys, still cold from the night they spent exposed to frigid Townsville air. The Professor wanted to cry.

Mojo looked sheepish. "Oh...there they are...silly me..." He looked towards the Professor, who now had a look of pure rage on his face. Mojo backed slowly towards the door, his hand fumbling for the keys in the doorknob as Professor began raising his laser.

"Heh heh...thank you for all the help, Professor, but, ahh, your services will no longer be necessary...."

As Mojo said this, he finally managed to get the door open. He scrambled inside just as Professor Utonium finished charging his laser. The next moment, the stairs transformed themselves into a steep slide with a loud "SHOOP"; the professor lost his footing and started sliding on his belly, feet first, with a comical _'Whoop!'_ sound just as the laser fired. It missed horribly, and the Professor screamed bloody murder all the way down the slide.

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_**IV.**_

The Professor smiled once again as he felt the light weight in his front pocket. Honestly, he had no idea where his daughter had procured them from, but the way this date was going, he was mighty glad to have them. You know...just in case.

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_**V.**_

The Professor had many medals on his shelf. An award for "Scientific Advancement in the Field of Biology" sat right next to his "Scientist of the Year" award. His "Science Fair - First Place" ribbon was taped to a plaque that celebrated his services to the city. Trophies, certificates, commendments...if you could be recognized for it, Professor Utonium had it.

And yet...above it all, in a place of honor envied by all of his other awards, one single treasure of achievement was placed, to be viewed by all as the greatest prize he had yet to receive; an honor that he predicted would never be usurped. That one single trophy was something that, more than any other award he had gained throughout the years, he could look to for encouragement, for inspiration, and for pride. He did more for that thing than all the other medals and trophies and ribbons combined. And really, he could think of no better person to own such a prestigious award.

After all...if the Powerpuff Girls thought that he was the "_World's Best Dad_," as the coffee mug suggested, it simply had to be true.

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_**VI.**_

It was a classic showdown. They stared each other down as if it were High Noon in Sandy Gulch. They knew that, any second now, they would get their signal, and it would be decided an instant later; after all, in this game, only the fastest reflexes are rewarded.

Into each other's eyes they stared, both trying to psych out the other. One narrowed his eyes; the other showed her teeth. The tension was so thick that it _COULDN'T_ be cut by a knife. The intensity was astounding. The anticipation, unbearable. They both knew that the first off the mark would be the winner.

And then...THERE IT WAS!

But...trouble! He found himself paralyzed...he couldn't move! He was a sitting duck! He tried and tried to move forward, to meet his opponent head-on, but he wasn't budging. This did not bode well....

She came at him with a vengence rarely seen before, and he could do nothing but watch. He had lost already, that much he knew. He watched her almost in slow-motion--hair flying, face wild, she charged him...until...

**BAM!**

Buttercup let out a victorious yell as the Professor went flying. She had wondered why he didn't move, and as he quickly switched cars, she understood: his bumper car didn't work at all! She couldn't help but laugh.

"HAHAHA! Tough luck, Professor!" She called to him.

"Maybe so, but it's a new game, now!" He cried back.

And with that, they bumped on, laughing jovially as they repeatedly crashed into each other.

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_**VII.**_

He opened the door to the decrepit, run down diner, certain that the state of the place alone would probably help curb his appetite. Taking a quick look around, he found that there was hardly anyone eating, though that was to be expected--he had walked in during that dry spell right after breakfast when restaruants began preparations for the lunch-hour rush. This place seemed to be doing the same; there was no one to welcome customers, nor was there anyone behind the bar. Nevertheless, the white-clad man headed to an open stool right next to the cash drawer.

Just as he took a seat, the door to the kitchen opened, and a man wearing an apron backed out carrying the tender for the new shift. As the employee turned around and headed for the register, his eyes rested on the patron sitting at the bar, who was now staring back at him with a look of utter shock on his face. For a split second, they just looked at each other; then, at the same time, they cried out:

"Him!?"

"Professor!?"

The red demon, still holding his drawer of money, soon wore a smirk on his face.

"Well, this certainly is a pleasant surprise," he remarked in his non-threatening voice. "What brings you to my humble little eatery?"

The professor answered him suspiciously. "I could ask you the same question! Why are you here, and what do you want with me?"

Him looked taken aback. "Why Professor, I'm insulted! Just because I happen to be the _**biggest instigator of evil in Townsville**_ doesn't mean that I can't earn a little money on the side."

"Why would YOU need to earn money?" the professor inquired. Him answered him matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you know the old saying: 'Money is the root of all evil'. Being a villain has its perks...many, _many_ perks...but it doesn't pay the bills, unfortunately." He said this as he placed the cash drawer in the register, the 'cha-ching' sound serving to emphasize his point. "As it is, I find myself in possession of rather formidable skill with cutlery, and so I decided that I might take a part-time job in a humble diner."

Professor Utonium regared him skeptically, but figured that he might as well give him the benefit of the doubt; after all, if Him had wanted to harm him, or use him as some sort of bait in an evil plot, surely he would've struck by now instead of making small talk, right? Surely, the last place Him would choose to start an evil plot was a small shack-of-a-diner in the middle of town....

And more to the point, the Professor skipped breakfast this morning, and the pancakes on the menu were starting to look really appetizing....

"I have to say, a service job would be the last thing I'd ever expect from 'the evilest of evil'...but since you're there, and I'm here, what would you recommend?"

Him, taking slight offense to the Professor's comment but not saying anything about it, instead answered his question with a bit of pride.

"Well...I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean stack of flapjacks!" He said with a grin.

The Professor located the item on the menu. A stack of three came with the full meal (eggs, hashbrowns, bacon-or-sausage and a drink), or with only a drink, but either way...

"Whoa! For that price, your pancakes better be topped with..." he glanced at Him, who seemed like he was eagerly awaiting the end of the sentence. "...nevermind. That is rather expensive for pancakes, though, even if they are as good as you say...."

Him looked at the scientist with a look of mild impatience. If he wasn't going to have the decency to at least try his pancakes (which really were one of the specialties of the house), then he probably wouldn't be too much happier with anything else. Besides that, though, Him found that he really did want the Professor to try them; a man like him probably had a lot of clout in the community (he was, after all, one the city's more famous residents), and a positive word-of-mouth from him might be worth more than anything he charged for breakfast.

And then Him got an idea....

"All right, Professor. What if I offered you the chance to eat breakfast on the house?"

The Professor perked up, becoming more alert. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'll give you the chance to eat a stack of my famous flapjacks for free. And you won't have to do a thing," he said with a grin.

The Professor immediately became suspicious. "I'm not making any deals with the..."

"Hear me out! You won't have to do a single thing, and I promise I won't hurt anyone in any way," Him said, a bit too eagerly. The Professor was still suspicious, but then he started smelling those buttery pancakes...and that syrup...and those blueberries....

"Okay, Him," the professor started, still suspicious, but now more hungry than ever. "You've got my attention; what has to happen for me to get my meal comped?"

Him grinned; this ought to be fun. "Well...I've got a proposition for you. A bet, if you will...and it involves your daughters...."

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_And that's it! Heh heh, I won't dare give you a time frame about when you might expect the next series of stories. But please, do let me know what you guys think of these! Hope you enjoyed them!_


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